My Birthstory

What a rush!

All births are connected. A woman cannot give birth without relating to her previous birth experiences and without connecting to the emotions and feelings that sprung from them. The strength you draw for birthing a baby comes from the well of past experiences and memories of every preceding personal challenge, pregnancy and birth journey which shaped your life up to that point. Although unique, no birth is isolated. Every pregnancy and birth is a jewel, hanging delicately from a silver chord, each one glistening and sparkling as it catches the light, each one a masterpiece in its own right, but not seperate. The silver chord of life links each precious stone together and forms the complete, beautiful picture.

 

My first jewel was cut , quite literally, very different to my hopes and expectations. The pregnancy was smooth sailing. Hardly nauseous. No sign of the painful Rheumatoid Arthritis I had come to accept as part of life. Early on my husband Andries prompted the concept of a home birth, the element of bonding strongly attracting him. I thought he was nuts, quite frankly. This was completely unheard of, I thought! How and why would anyone give birth outside of the “safe”, predictable environment of a hospital? Yet upon further investigation, exposure to homebirth-friendly classes and some serious reading, the idea soon won me over, and in fact thrilled me. We learnt several things:

• That to leave the choices of birth up to others is not how I want to give birth. I want to take charge of my body and my child and be responsible in and for those choices.

• That I am unwilling to be a spectator on the sidelines of my birth experience but rather the most active participant.

• That a mother’s instinct and the Holy Spirit’s voice are very able guides. No-one knows better than I do what I am feeling and what my body tells me.

• That birth should be an intimate, family-bonding experience where my husband is very involved and not relegated to a corner in a green overall with a camera in hand.

• That lying on a bed on your back is the most unnatural, anti-gravitational way of giving birth, introduced years back so that the docter could see what’s going on. In addition, I was told not to lie on my back throughout the pregnancy as it compromises placental circulation, yet in most hospitals this is expected during labour.

• That even in hospital the midwives do most of the monitoring up until the end when the doctor is called in to do the delivery, and even attend two or three births simultaneously while at home the midwife is solely focused on my needs.

• That should there be an emergency a doctor is informed and prepared immediately but will still take at least 40 mins to be ready for theatre, the same amount of time it would take me to get from my house to the hospital.

• That ANY type of medication and pain-relief DOES make its way into the baby’s system making them groggy, slow to latch and drink and lethargic – not the interaction I want with my newborn after awaiting her arrival for nine months!

• That during labour I would like to move, eat and drink as my body tells me, and not be confined to a bed and strapped to monitors.

• That I would like to surround myself with my choice of calming music, candles and atmosphere, and not the sounds, smells and stress associated with hospitals.

• That I would like to be surrounded by MY choice of friends, family and helpers, and not strangers changing shifts.

• That at home a water birth is more likely and possible than in hospitals.

• That waterbirths have the lowest rate of episiotomy (cutting of the perineum), medication use and blood loss and babies have higher oxygen blood levels and higher Apgar scores. (a test out of 10 which measures a newborn’s appearance, pulse, reflex, muscle tone and breathing.).

• That babies born at home are less prone to foetal distress, yellow jaundice, infections, weight loss and breastfeeding problems, and mothers bleed less if the placenta is left to finish pulsating before being cut and get less post-natal depression .

• That many of the things done to babies in hospital are precautionary measures, each with its own set of side-effects, and not necessarily required for the health of the baby.

• That hospital-born babies are resuscitated 3.7 times more, get infection 4 times more, get more meconium aspiration pneumonia, respiratory distress and lower Apgar scores.

• That a mother builds up antibodies against the elements in her immediate environment, primarily her home and workplace, which are also transferred to her unborn baby’s immature immune system. When a baby is born in a hospital he is immediately at more risk for any germs or viruses present as his immune system is prepared for his mother’s home and not a hospital. Ironically a hospital is probably the place with the most germs, bacteria and viruses.

• That hospitals in South Africa have the highest caesarean section rate in the world, 50% to 90% of women on medical aid. In other words, even if you are not planning on having a c-section, chances are that you will end up with one. It’s just so convenient. While homebirths have a 5% c-section rate. And a c-section means increased risk of fatal postnatal hemorrhage, to mention just one risk.

• That homebirths pose a 4% risk of somethng going wrong as opposed to a 60%+ risk of a c-section in hospital, carrying a 4% risk of paralysis.

• That after giving birth I would like to shower in my own bathroom, sleep in my own bed next to my husband and be unseperated and uninterrupted for as long as I choose.

• That immediately after birth I would like to hold my baby on my breast for as long as I like and allow her to start suckling when she is ready, and not have her whisked away to a nursery.

• That I would like to be the first to bath and dress my baby when I am ready, and not have a stranger do it within the first hour of birth.

• That nothing may go as planned, and an emergency may arise in which case I may be forced to go to hospital but that even then there would be certain choices I could exercise.

• That ultimately my husband and I must choose the birth experience we are comfortable with, and not have it chosen for us.

How exciting! Preparations were made in earnest: homeopathic and natural remedies and aids, a birthing pool and related equipment, even a doula (birth-helper) for emotional and practical support for the (anticipated) heat of the moment. Not forgetting my gynae’s nod of approval at the presence of a registered midwife with extensive experience of home deliveries.

On the day I experienced my first-ever contraction, things were readied swiftly. Pool set up in the lounge, all the involved parties summoned, and then the long wait. I remember the almost surreal state of consciousness, being there in body but swimming through eternity in my soul. There were beautiful moments of clarity, where I felt such a strong connection to my ancestors, every woman who had lived before me and experienced contraction upon contraction resulting in the birth of a child who grew up to continue the cycle. What an awesome priveledge. And then moments where I simply tuned out, focusing on my body and its work. No pain relief by choice meant more concentration. The soothing warm water relieved pain immensely and freed me from gravitational pull.

I did not understand those first-time contractions, however. I resisted with everything in me, just to get through the immense pressure and aching in my lower back. Instead of opening up I held back. Little did we realise baby was stuck against a pelvic bone or something, not moving down, which explains the lower back pain. Baby was also lying in a posterior position, facing my front instead of my back.

23 hours later baby still had not moved into the birthing canal, although I was almost fully dilated at 9 ½ cm. Needless to say exhaustion had set in, not only for me but also for poor Andries, whom I had refused the luxury of sleep since he was the only one strong enough to relieve contractions by pressing on my lower back. We decided the time had come to go to hospital for a c-section. My body had done all it could but it was simply not happening.

Masks and gloves, the strong smell of medicine and anaesthetic. Strange faces, strange voices, strange sounds. Green clothes, green sheets, green screens. So different from the candles, soft music and familiar smells of home. An eerie feeling of somebody tugging inside me, and a stranger reassuring me in my ear. Then a gargled cry, and a green bundle placed for a brief moment on my chest. Andries with tears next to me. Andries gone, baby gone. Alone to sounds of idle chit-chat and a needle and stitches.

Sprawled out on a white bed, hung over with pain-killers, I try to breastfeed Anelia for the fisrt time. She latches well and we manage somehow. A nurse takes her so I can sleep, they explain. They forget to bring her back to feed and 7 hours later I wake with a start. Too late, she has severe jaundice, not having fed often enough at just a few hours old. Baby under UV lights, tender nipples, restricted movement due to the wound on my belly.Days and nights merge into one confused blur.

That first jewel was not cut as we had hoped…

A year and a half later the promise of a second jewel appeared. But sadly, it was not to be. Its beauty was not meant to bless this earth, and God closed his hand around it. Short hope, short joy, and then the loss. But I know He knows the reasons, and I believe He determines the seasons.

But two months later, a third jewel! As soon as the uncertain 12^th week had passed, we announced it to the world, and started examining our options. I discovered that indeed there were options, as “once a caesar always a caesar ” had become quite an outdated and even archaic notion, clung to by certain professionals who sadly influence patients and peers alike.

Our idea of a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesaerean) was met with shock, horror, even amusement. There were sceptical questions and doubting thomases. If it had not been for amazing prenatal support through doula and midwife I might have fallen into that same category! Only one midwife in my province was prepared to assist a VBAC at home. The gynae was not prepared to be on standby for a VBAC if it was not attempted in hospital.

“But what about the danger of uterine rupture?You and the baby could bleed to death!”

What about the 4% chance for paralysis after a caesar compared to 0,3% uterine rupture in VBACs?

What about the fact that SA has the world’s highest elective and non-elective c-sec rate of 90% + for women on a medical aid?

What about the hundreds of women who have succesful VBACs in the rural areas, simply because they do not have medical aid to have a subsequent elective caesarean ?

What about the fact that my uterus and the scar of the c-section has remained intact through 9 months of stretching to accomodate a growing, kicking baby?

What about the fact that I will again have a dedicated midwife,doula and her assistent focusing solely on me, monitoring me throughout and ready to rush me to hospital should it become necessary?

So we prepared for Marisje’s birth at home. This time the pool in the lounge was set up earlier, I felt more prepared with everything set out on a table days ahead. I had paintings to help me visualise and encouraging motivations and scriptures stuck all over the house reminding me that

“God made my body to birth naturally”

“One contraction at a time”

“Is 66:9 – Shall I bring to the point of birth and not deliver? Shall I then shut the womb? NO, never!”

“At the other end of this is beautiful Marisje!”

When contractions started in the morning I had a nice long bath, did my makeup leisurely and called the doula and her assistant. They massaged and pushed on my lower back to ease contractions, I used the birthball and focused with every contraction on opening up and relaxing. I asked them to verbally encourage me with every contraction and keep reminding me to widen and open up. I experienced the power of positive thinking as never before. I felt relaxed, in control and confident. Once again I wanted no pain medication and felt very clear and alert. I was not being shy and ordered everyone around for water, juice, yogurt, nuts and anything else I needed.

After 9 hours the midwife asked to do an internal examination as things were again progressing too slowly in her opinion and she was concerned that I still felt the contractions so high up in my lower back. Two hours later and still nothing had changed. The scenario was exactly the same as with Anelia’s birth. I was almost fully dilated but baby was not moving down into the birth canal. The midwife advised us to go to hospital for another c-section as in her opinion, it was not going to happen at home. But she had to break my waters before getting into the car as we could risk chord prolapse should my waters break en route to hospital, whereby the umbilical chord flows out and babies’ head pushes on it, cutting off blood and oxygen supply. So while she broke my waters the doula pushed on my belly and sudddenly, miraculously, baby started moving down! It was as if she had been stuck against my pelvic bone or something and just needed that extra push.

I climbed into the soothing water of the birthpool and almost immediately the contractions changed. I felt the most immense pressure between my legs and all I wanted to do was push, push, push. The birthpool was wonderful as I could hold onto the edge, kick my legs against the sides and Andries was free to watch and encourage me in the water. As her head moved out with each contraction I experienced a burning sensation of stretching, and a few pushes later she was out! Everything had happened in half-an hour. She did not breathe straight away but soon began spluttering and her colour changed from bluish to a healthy pink.

I felt invincible, the most amazing rush and sense of accomplishment. I had done it! Done what my body was made to do even when the world told me I couldn’t. Done what my body was purposed for as a mother. God had been faithful and done a miracle at the last minute when all hope seemed lost. He had given us the desire of our heart, to birth naturally at home.

The next few moments were so special, just the two of us in the water with the new little life, and evryone around us whispering in hushed tones of awe and amazement. No scrubbing of her little body, washing, suctioning, weighing, injections or medication.Then her sister was brought in, undressed and put into the pool to meet Marisje for the first time. This was so beautiful. Afterwards we cuddled up in bed and let Marisje latch and nurse on her own. It was amazing to see her rooting like a little animal, that instict for survival and nourishment already driving her at an hour old.

The third jewel on a silver strand, one that stretches from far before me to far beyond me. I feel so utterly priveledged to have experienced it thus. Soli Deo Gloria.

If you are considering a home or water birth, my suggestions are:

Find a local registered midwife who practises and promotes homebirths and waterbirths.

Find a local doula (birth helper) and chat with her about homebirths and waterbirths.

Find a local childbirth education class that promotes homebirths and waterbirths.

If you are having trouble finding any of these, your local La Leche League (breastfeeding support group) will be able to point you in the right direction. See www.lalecheleague.net for a branch near you.